Freaking excited

Nothing TTC related really. But. I am so freaking excited about the upcoming weeks.

My mom and I are going to see Maroon 5... In SIX days!!!11!1!111 I can not flipping wait. You have no idea.

AND. That's not all.

In NINETEEN days....  S, a couple friends and I are going to see Jason Aldean! It's sure to be a good time. I am so excited.

Even more, the end of October, S is going to see a concert with some of his friends in Vegas for a little reunion. October is filling up to be a jam packed month for us! There is so much going on.

Well well well

Hi there. It's been a while. I've had nothing of substance to blog about lately.  But. Because I knew I'd kick myself if I didn't start charting or doing OPKs again; I picked it back up a few days ago. And just in time.

These new Wondfo's suck. With the old ones I could tell right away if it was going to be positive right away. Not these, you have to wait the whole time frame and I've never seen an 'obvious' positive like before. This is the most positive I'll get. FMU. I figured I'd see a positive last night or this morning. So it works. Woohoo.

And. Looking at my poor chart, it looks like my temp is doing the same thing as when I did this last cycle. They went up some and will probably (hopefully) jump more tomorrow and get me some CH's soon.

Ace of hearts

S and I came to an agreement last night. We sat down after C went to bed and talked things out.

Seems my letter didn't help as much as I thought it would. I'm glad I brought it up last night. We talked things out and made sure we understood each other. We also decided... To keep on TTC. After I explained further how it made feel to stop TTC, I think it made him rethink it and step into my shoes.  I think after all the talks, we are much closer to being on the same page.

We also decided that if this month isn't our month, we will continue on with IUI in October. While we continue on with our journey to a bigger family we'll continue to work on our relationship to make everything as best it can be.

I really feel like we are on the right track and am hoping things continue to get better.

So we are officially on the TTC train for good.

Hi

So. My last post was very raw and in the moment. After I wrote it, I kept trying to figure out how to explain to S how I was feeling. The next day, I wrote him a letter. I told him straight away it was solely to try and help him understand my disappointment and feelings.

I wrote it the day I left for Vegas. I assume he read it as it was not where I left it for him and I gave him a heads up he had a note. He hasn't mentioned it yet. I'm not sure if it helped understand or what to be honest. I think it did though.

Since I've been back, the whole two days, he has had a much nicer demeanor towards me and helping a lot more with C. In turn it has made me a lot more relaxed and not as up tight. In the letter I wrote I mentioned that we need to work on communication because I think that is really our big issue. We suck at communicating. In the world we live in today, we are stuck on our phones and computers. I suggested making a new rule that we have at least 1 hour of no technology. That way we can sit together, talk, and play with C. Uninterrupted. I am very optimistic that this will get things back on track

I'm hoping we'll talk about things again on Monday when he's off.



Vegas. Was amazing. It was such a fun time and a great mommy break. I am happy I was able to see a friend that I haven't seen since I left Italy. It was seriously the best reunion ever. We didn't even really do a whole lot. We mainly walked around the strip and hotels. I was in awe. We had the dinner buffet at MGM. It was alright, but could have been better. We also had the brunch buffet at Monte Carlo. That was some delicious food. No joke.

We got hit on. Got free shots. Had strangers want pictures with us. It was seriously an interesting trip. But so much fun. My mom and I are already planning to try and go back. Next time we'll actually see a show and what not. PLUS. There's this game on FB you can play and win coins to exchange for events/items in Vegas. Our dinner and brunch buffet, were payed for from this game. It's called myVegas. It is great. I'll keep playing to get more free stuff.

NY NY

Toy Story guys on the street

Jellies at the Shark Reef Aquarium in Mandalay Bay

The Venetian- bringing us back to where we met

The Venetian ceiling piece 

Brunch! At Monte Carlo- the best

Lit up

Love these girls 

Dolphin garden at our hotel Mirage

Sting Ray at the aquarium

All of us at Señor Frogs

And just because, here's some pictures of our afternoon at the beach.

In other news. We are probably going to a wedding next weekend. A childhood friend of S is getting married where they are from. It looks like we'll be making the 7-8 hour drive up for the weekend to try and attend. I'm not entirely thrilled about this. S got a fairly nasty message from the mother of the bride about how could he not RSVP (mind you, he spoke w/ the bride to be) and how they've known him since he was young and he should be there. Blah blah blah. Well.. They didn't come to our wedding. Nor send a congrats. Or anything. So.. Not to be all "you didn't come to mine so I'm not going to yours" but that's how I feel. S' schedule is already ridiculous and we have limited time with him why should we go out of our way for a whole weekend for you..

Anyways.. I'm obviously a little irritated. On top of that, on the invite it mentioned nothing about it being a no kids wedding. But the other day S got a text from BTB saying there isn't going to be children under 15. Well.. We don't have anyone up there that can watch C. And I wont leave him for another 3 days with my mom.  Not after just being away from him for 3 days already. So our choices are limited. We don't go, they say it's okay for C to come, or S goes alone.  Hopefully something gets figured out soon. I'm getting irritated at the whole situation. I really hope they get over it and C can go. I had the cutest outfit for all of us to wear. We'll see.

The end

Well. After talking to S. It seems we are no longer TTC. He wants to wait a few months and try to make our relationship better. I made the decision on the spot to be done. I don't want to wait a few more  months. I don't want it to have taken us this long to get here. Don't get me wrong, I want our relationship to be great but not at the expense of quitting TTC and not giving C a sibling.

I am so disappointed. I honestly have no words to convey how I feel. Only tears.

I can't even put sentences together to help S understand why I am so disappointed. This is really not how I pictured my life would be. By any means. I am so happy we have C. Absolutely. I just wish he would have a sibling. And it's not going to be in the cards.

No more treatments. No more 'natural' trying. No nothing. I am considering getting back on birth control as well. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Anyways. This is probably going to be one of the last posts I write for a while. As well as probably not coming around very much on TB either.

Farewell my friends<3

Onto the next

Well. I had a huge temp drop this morning. It's onto the next cycle.

S and I have been going back and forth on if we want to do IUI next cycle like scheduled. We've hit a rough patch. There is so much stress in our lives that our relationship has taken a back seat. We had a sit down conversation about a week ago about everything and things seem to be getting better.

Personally I'd rather not put TTC on hold any more. We've been at it for what feels like eternity. I just want to be pregnant and stay pregnant. Horrible that I don't want to stop for any reason. There's just been so much effort in it that I can't see stopping. Ugh. I'm hoping to talk to S again tonight and see what he wants to do. I need to call RE soon to figure out everything as well.

I'm not sure what this cycle was. Another chemical? No pregnancy at all? I just have no idea how to count it. It's been a huge mindfuck and not getting a definite answer really sucks. I am just so unsure of things.


In better news. I leave for Vegas tomorrow afternoon. I have been looking online at what shows are going to be going on while we're there. I think I've narrowed it to either KA by Cirque du Soeil, V The Ultimate Variety Show, or X Burlesque. Honestly, I am seriously looking forward to just going in all the hotels and what not. They look so awesome.
I am very much looking forward to mommy break. I am bringing my computer and leaving the iPad at home to FaceTime with C each night. I'm not sure how S is going to handle being with C for 2 1/2 days by himself.I am even more hesitant about the fact that C has been pacifier free for a week now and how S will handle that. C still asks for one sometimes and I am praying S does not give in while I'm gone. It will be hell for me to break him twice.

Anyways.. My mom gets home in half an hour from Mexico. C will be so excited to see his nanee.

Dwindling dreams

It seems this cycle is coming to an end. While temp is still above CL, it's dropped from the last two days. Could mean nothing, could mean something. Still in the waiting game.

I still have some phantom symptoms.. Sore bewbs, some nausea, fatigue.. I'm just not sure what to think anymore. I'm already over this cycle. 3 more days to go.


Nothing else really going on. Vegas is in two wake ups! Can't freaking wait. A friend from Italy is meeting us there as well, it'll be so great to see her.

False hope

It seems like the positive test I got the other was false. I tested this morning and nothing. I think I got some false results. While I'm not out yet, it still sucks.

I also think FF may be right about O day without the override. Even though without the override, my chart looks nothing like previous cycles.. But. I had another temp rise. If FF is right and I'm actually only 7dpo, it could turn triphasic? Not that it means too much. But ya know..

Lighter, lighter, barely there

Well. This isn't going as I expected. Todays test isn't as dark as yesterday. It's still barely there but not as good as yesterday. Anyways, here are todays pictures for the stalkers. <3


My chart: Temp is still up. So that's good I suppose. I did notice a zit this morning when I woke up. :/ Usually that's not a good sign. Maybe it's different this time?

 And some pee sticks. The top is absolutely unedited. The second two are edited. I think the last one is the easiest to see. It's not getting darker, yet. I have a little hope still. Maybe it's just still too early?

Hoping & praying

So.. I knew FF was wrong. I knew it all along. Here's what I got this morning.

The first is an edit from the lovely JSchwind. The second is the original picture. It is faint, but there. I am praying this is real and this will stick. 

Now.. FF has typically always given me correct dates. But not this time. Partly because I didn't temp the whole time. So I did an override on it where I believe it would go. 

Here's the deats so far. 

Timing: Based on what I believe, O-3 and twice on O. 

Symptoms: Not much. Super smell and some pain/soreness in the bewbies. 

EDD: May 18, 2014.

I'm waiting until tomorrow to tell H as long as it gets darker. Assuming it gets darker, I'll call to see about going in for betas and praying for a good number. Otherwise, I'm just waiting. And hoping and praying this is real and it sticks. 

I was absolutely shocked this morning when I took it. I did not expect to see anything. Esp considering our timing isn't the best, not bad but not the best. All I can do is hope this is it. 

Lines

So um. Like I thought, FF gave me some CH's. For CD19. Though I don't think I believe it. I still think  I O'ed around CD14 ish.  I just played around a little on there to see if I put some temps if it'd change O date.. It wont. But I don't believe it now. Oh well.. Either way, we do have decent timing.