Oh, hi there.

I'm not sure how long it's been since I've posted. I know it's been a while though. I truly have nothing to update on at the moment.

Cycle 21, I should be nearing ovulation. But I have no idea since I took this cycle off temping and using OPKs. I've been having a ton of EWCM lately though. It could be from the increased water intake though.

C is being C.. We're smack dab in the middle of terrible twos. It is insane. The happy, behaved, kind kid I once had.. No longer lives here. He has been replaced with a scheming crazy kid. I wish I had the words to explain just how crazy he is.

Tomorrow, Thanksgiving, we are going over to a family friends' house for dinner. Should be nice, S works so he wont get to join us tomorrow. But we're having a make up Thanksgiving on Saturday.

On Friday we're going to cut down our Christmas tree. I am beyond excited for this. I've never got to cut our tree before, so it's a first for me! The place we're going to also will have bounce houses, free hot cider, pony rides, and I believe hay rides. C is going to have so much fun. I am looking forward to the experience.

Changes

I'm not sure what our plan is as of right now. But I am thinking about trying to do some acupuncture in the near future. I'm also going back to a chiropractor, which is fantastic. I actually have x-rays on Friday to see how bad things are.  I'm hoping that the chiro will maybe help get my body back to 'normal' and maybe in some way help my ute get it's shit together. As well as trying acupuncture.

I just talked to RE and like I thought, he confirmed stopping the progesterone today and I should see a period in the next few days. We'll be NTNP for the next couple of months and we are back on the list for another IUI in Feb. So we have time to decide for sure if we want to try another or if we are done. It's mainly my decision at this point considering the meds I have to take. S is completely on board for whatever I choose.

I think he has come to realize how hard it has been on me recently. We had a date night a couple nights ago and went to see Thor at one of the luxury movie theaters. On the way up there we were talking about everything going on in regards to TTC. He was telling me he would have a chit chat with his little guys to get their shit together and work harder. It was fabulous. Seriously, made me smile. More because he is finally understanding the emotional toll it's taken on me and he is showing much more interest in what we're doing. It really makes me feel better about everything.

In other news.. I went out with a few ladies the other night, our husbands work/have worked together. The morning after sucked balls.  While it was nice to be out without C, I have sort of realized I'm not really cut out to have female friends. This on top of the emotions I've been dealing with from the failed IUI.. I've also come to realize I have really really bad self esteem. I'm very... Concerned with what others think of me and I feel the need to try and please everyone. I also take everything to heart and too personal. I really need to work on myself.

Emptiness

I have nothing. Nothing to report. Nothing in my ute. Nothing.

I talked to the RE office yesterday about my beta draw. It was .1- meaning not pregnant. That was at 13  dpiui. I haven't heard back from RE in regards to the progesterone. For now, I keep taking it though. I'll probably take it through the weekend and stop Monday night. If I don't hear back from them early Monday morning, I'll call again.

I'm not really sure what the plan going forward is. I used to say we'd do as many IUI's as it took. But now.. I just don't know if I can do it again. All the meds, waiting, blood draws, ultrasounds.. I'm not sure I can handle it again. S is supportive of whatever I am wanting to do. Wether it be try another IUI in 3 months or call it quits and NTNP from here out. I have a lot to think about at this point.

Falling

I'm not sure I have much optimism left for this cycle. I'm seeing more spotting and this morning I woke up to some mucky discharge. I'm also having some awesome cramps that are similar to AF style

cramps. I have no idea what the deal is.. I thought the progesterone was supposed to sort of help out with things and help my LP.

I'm not sure what to do at this point. I've sort of lost all hope for IUI. I am really hoping that it's just still too early for a true positive. My expectations of this cycle were pretty high..

Flat lined

Don't have too much of an update today as I'm still just testing out trigger, or just peeing on sticks.

This morning I noticed a little spotting after I POAS on the toilet paper. I would imagine it could be caused by the progesterone suppositories. But if that were the case, wouldn't it have started earlier.. Not when I'm on day 9 of them?

OR!!11!1!

Could it be the elusive implantation bleeding?! LOL. While I would love to believe that, I have been at it long enough to not count on that and know it's likely just from the progesterone.

I've been walking a lot more lately. We have a friend who has a little girl just older than C and she loves to walk like I do! It's so great. We get to walk and the kids get to hang out. So I've been getting a lot of exercise in lately.  Though, on our walk last night.. My tire went flat on the jogger. I'm not sure if there's a hole in the tube or what. But it made for one hard walk back to the car. My right arm got a good work out in!

Outta here!

It's official, my trigger is absolutely gone! Now to wait and see if the lines come back.. 

Fading, fading, almost gone

Trigger is almost gone. Yay! No other updates really, so here's a pee stick picture..

Rough mornings

Today is 6 DPT and 5 DPO.  I am still pushing along with the progesterone. The side effects are seriously nonsense. Horrid gas, buncha zits, bloating.. The list goes on. Not to mention the awesome surprise when I wake up from leaky vag..  I just hope it's all worth it.

This morning I must have been in a serious rush to get to the bathroom to pee because I completely forgot to PIAC for the daily trigger test. When I finally realized this, I had barely a trickle left. It seems it was still enough to get somewhat of an accurate result because I can still see a faint line on the test. I might re-do it with SMU though.

Trickle results

SMU results, barely there faint

With the collection

This whole daylight saving thing sucks. Since we changed the clocks, C has been waking up earlier and earlier.. Yesterday was at 5 am. Today was 5:15am. He even had a 2 hour nap yesterday and we didn't go to bed until almost 9:30. I was really hoping it'd help him sleep later. Obviously I was wrong on that front..  I really hope things change soon. 

Slow and steady

Just a little update on where things are.. I am 2 or 3 DPO. IUI was 4 days ago now.  I started progesterone suppositories on Saturday. Oh. My. God. I hate this. Freakin' leaky vag here. I am really hoping if this cycle ends in a BFP that I can switch from suppositories to an oral progesterone pill. Who knows though.

I'm 4 days past trigger. It's fading pretty nicely. Though this 2WW is already going incredibly slow.

KA-BAM!

1 DPT

Today was a great day. It is 1 DPT and IUI day. I tested this morning to gauge where I'm at and will continue testing out the trigger. I have 49 tests on standby. Actually.. I have more than that. I'm sort of ashamed of the collection I've got going. But I have 49 cheapies. Because you know... 14 wasn't enough to cover for the 2ww.






Now for the moment we've been waiting for.. I have been so incredibly nervous all day for my appt. I'm not sure what I was nervous about, to be honest. S's SA from a while back came back fantastic and there was nothing found on my side... I think I was just nervous for the process? Either way, I had no reason to be nervous.

The nurse to me back and had me undress waist down. Nothing new there.. RE came in and we double checked all of our info and made sure they had the right sperm. :/ I think that's what also had me nervous. What if they got me pregnant with another dudes baby?!?! Anyways.. He gave me S's count.. 104 mil pre-wash. 69 post-wash. AMAZING! He told me they just wanted 10mil. So the 69 from S was fantastic. I was so happy to hear those numbers. It helped ease my mind.

Got myself turkey basted and laid on the table for 15ish minutes. Now.. I know laying there doesn't necessarily help much, but hey.. It can't hurt at this point. Tomorrow night I will start progesterone suppositories and will continue them for at least 2 weeks. Depending on if AF shows or I get a true positive HPT will decide what happens next. If I get a positive, I'll go in for a beta and most likely more progesterone.  If AF... Well, we'll be back on the list for IUI in another couple months.