I've been slacking. Haven't had too much to update on. So we'll just go through a quick recap.
We're on cycle 17. Doing an unmedicated cycle. Loosely charting and using OPK.
C will be 2 in two weeks and two days. Woah.
Which also means our anniversary is in 2 weeks. Dang.
I've been thinking about our journey TTC #2 a lot lately. And coming to the conclusion we may only be blessed with C. Which is completely good with us if that's the case. While it sucks that we may not be able to give him a sibling, he is the light of our life. Absolutely the best thing that has ever happened for us. It does crush me to think we just might have one child.
I'm still debating if I want to try another IUI in September. Or just NTNP for an uncertain amount of time.
IUI #1 was a huge mindfuck. A roller coaster of craziness. I'm not sure I'm ready to go through that again. Maybe by September I will be, maybe I wont. One of those things that only time will tell.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Relinquish all control?
I thought I could give up my control and not chart/OPK. I'm beginning to think I can't do it. I'm just not sure I can let go of the control it gives me. Le sigh. Maybe it wont be a 'break' cycle after all. Oh well.
Today's potty training has gone fairly well. We've had two accidents. One pee and one poop. I am so proud. He has been dry since his number two accident. Through nap time even. He has also been telling me majority of the time, the other part is me prompting him and him not saying no. So we head to the bathroom. I am seriously such a proud mama right now.
Today's potty training has gone fairly well. We've had two accidents. One pee and one poop. I am so proud. He has been dry since his number two accident. Through nap time even. He has also been telling me majority of the time, the other part is me prompting him and him not saying no. So we head to the bathroom. I am seriously such a proud mama right now.
Monday, July 15, 2013
Mail time!
Gotta love getting mail! I got two awesome packages today. The first, from the amazing and crafty Sun! She made me a cute little clutch wallet! It is absolutely adorable! I love it so much. (Sorry for the order, I can't seem to change the order.) AND she also made the cutest freaking Gabba banner ever for C. He is absolutely in love with it. His little face LIT UP when I pulled it out of the packaging. I'm planning to hang it in his room and will use it at his birthday party! She is so awesome, such a great friend to make these for us. And they couldn't have come at a better time. Between the c/p and yesterday being my birthday. It was perfect timing for a pick me up!
The next box I got was some fabric. Isn't this the cutest fabric ever! I had originally ordered this for when I got my BFP to make C a "big bro" shirt. Obviously that isn't happening anytime soon. I think I'll just hold onto it for now and see what happens. I might try my hand at making him a quick faux pocket t shirt.
Getting up to date
Just a short update.. Not much new is going on. I'm on CD4 after the chemical pregnancy. The stress that brought me has made me decide not to chart or use OPK this cycle. I'm hoping taking the break will give us a fresh start and less stress.
In other news. I'm beginning potty training for C today. It began this morning. So far it's not going horribly but we're still working on getting him to let me know he has to use the bathroom. We've had our share of accidents today, good thing I came prepared with 15+ pairs of underwear! On a good note, he stayed dry for his whole nap! So it's a start. I'm really hoping this doesn't take us too long. He's very good about using the toilet and staying pretty dry when we're not home. Our main thing is working on him telling me he needs to use the bathroom.
In other news. I'm beginning potty training for C today. It began this morning. So far it's not going horribly but we're still working on getting him to let me know he has to use the bathroom. We've had our share of accidents today, good thing I came prepared with 15+ pairs of underwear! On a good note, he stayed dry for his whole nap! So it's a start. I'm really hoping this doesn't take us too long. He's very good about using the toilet and staying pretty dry when we're not home. Our main thing is working on him telling me he needs to use the bathroom.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
It's over
I'm 99% sure it's over. Huge temp dive this morning. I am completely expecting a period today or tomorrow. I'm thinking this is another chemical pregnancy, if it was a true pregnancy.
After going through this huge roller coaster of a cycle, I think we're going to be NTNP for a little bit. Since I'm pretty familiar with my cycles now, I'll still know about when we should have sex and what not. But I don't think I'll be charting or using OPKs. I'm kind of to the point that I'm not sure we'll have a second child and I think I am coming to terms with this. Every effort we put in, we get knocked back. It just seems to be a waste of time when all our efforts aren't showing anything. It's just starting to numb me to the idea of having a second child.
Looking at my chart, I'm not entirely sure when I actually ovulated. If I remove the manual override for ovulation, today I'm 10dpo based on what FF detected. So, it's possible I'm 10 or 11 or 12 dpo. I'm not really sure.
After going through this huge roller coaster of a cycle, I think we're going to be NTNP for a little bit. Since I'm pretty familiar with my cycles now, I'll still know about when we should have sex and what not. But I don't think I'll be charting or using OPKs. I'm kind of to the point that I'm not sure we'll have a second child and I think I am coming to terms with this. Every effort we put in, we get knocked back. It just seems to be a waste of time when all our efforts aren't showing anything. It's just starting to numb me to the idea of having a second child.
Looking at my chart, I'm not entirely sure when I actually ovulated. If I remove the manual override for ovulation, today I'm 10dpo based on what FF detected. So, it's possible I'm 10 or 11 or 12 dpo. I'm not really sure.
Here's today's stick. And comparison from yesterday. Looks to be negative but there's a super faded shadow of a line.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Chronicles of a pee stick
So today has been a bit depressing. And it's only 8:15 in the morning. I took another test, to see. It's lighter than yesterday and we're back to having to tilt the screen to get the glare off. Not what I was expecting to happen this morning. I'm really questioning if I want to even bother going back in tomorrow for a redraw. I suppose if my temperature is still up tomorrow, I will.
After talking to the lovely Banker last night, I do have a little bit of hope. When I talked to the RE, he kept saying it's not for sure you're pregnant, but not for sure you're not pregnant; Your test shows low hcg levels.
What Banker so kindly explained to me, is that levels between 5-25iu hcg, is a somewhat grey area. Which could explain why he said low levels and that he can't say for sure. After that conversation, I got a little bit of my hope my back.
As for the different shades of lines I keep getting. I'm attributing it to each test is different and is going to pick up a different amount of hormone. At least I really hope this is the case.
And here's today's picture. Like I said, tilting of the screen will help.
After talking to the lovely Banker last night, I do have a little bit of hope. When I talked to the RE, he kept saying it's not for sure you're pregnant, but not for sure you're not pregnant; Your test shows low hcg levels.
What Banker so kindly explained to me, is that levels between 5-25iu hcg, is a somewhat grey area. Which could explain why he said low levels and that he can't say for sure. After that conversation, I got a little bit of my hope my back.
As for the different shades of lines I keep getting. I'm attributing it to each test is different and is going to pick up a different amount of hormone. At least I really hope this is the case.
And here's today's picture. Like I said, tilting of the screen will help.
And here they all are, in order.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
real lyfe?! *with an update
*Update:
This all feels like my miscarriage from last year, just a little mixed up.. When I went in last year to confirm pregnancy, I did a urine test that in turn was negative. Mind you I had tested that morning and saw a positive. So we did a blood test, beta was 30. Went back two days later, beta was 17. I was miscarrying.
This time it's a little backwards. The blood test was negative right off the bat while I had the positive at home. I am praying with everything in me this is real and this sticks. I never in a million years thought I might be reliving my miscarriage.
I just got a call from the RE and from what I understand, they didn't do the right blood test. Instead of doing a quantative test, they only did the yes/no. So I have no idea what my levels are. And he says as of their test, I'm not pregnant. Sometimes I think my RE is a nut case b/c I know my trigger is out and once it's out, you can't get another positive test until there's hcg present. Ugh. So I'm going back on Thursday for another draw but I will keep testing to watch my lines.
Well. Todays test was darker. Like, you don't even have to tilt the screen. I went in for betas this morning and am waiting for the result. It's lunch time in the office so of course no one is answering phones. I just want my darn results!! Hopefully I'll also go back in on Thursday for a repeat draw to make sure it's doubling. I'm so barely pregnant that I am praying this sticks. So, here's the updated pee sticks and a picture of my chart. It's so pretty for once.
EDD is March 22, 2014. March is also when I got pregnant and had the miscarriage. Praying that this sticks.
This all feels like my miscarriage from last year, just a little mixed up.. When I went in last year to confirm pregnancy, I did a urine test that in turn was negative. Mind you I had tested that morning and saw a positive. So we did a blood test, beta was 30. Went back two days later, beta was 17. I was miscarrying.
This time it's a little backwards. The blood test was negative right off the bat while I had the positive at home. I am praying with everything in me this is real and this sticks. I never in a million years thought I might be reliving my miscarriage.
I just got a call from the RE and from what I understand, they didn't do the right blood test. Instead of doing a quantative test, they only did the yes/no. So I have no idea what my levels are. And he says as of their test, I'm not pregnant. Sometimes I think my RE is a nut case b/c I know my trigger is out and once it's out, you can't get another positive test until there's hcg present. Ugh. So I'm going back on Thursday for another draw but I will keep testing to watch my lines.
Well. Todays test was darker. Like, you don't even have to tilt the screen. I went in for betas this morning and am waiting for the result. It's lunch time in the office so of course no one is answering phones. I just want my darn results!! Hopefully I'll also go back in on Thursday for a repeat draw to make sure it's doubling. I'm so barely pregnant that I am praying this sticks. So, here's the updated pee sticks and a picture of my chart. It's so pretty for once.
EDD is March 22, 2014. March is also when I got pregnant and had the miscarriage. Praying that this sticks.
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